My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
