Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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