So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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