I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
