Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
