oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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