So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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