im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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