Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
