Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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