when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
