youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
