I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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