why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
