puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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