I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
pop tarts are not kleenex
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
