i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
