His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
