Say something about gay babies.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
