i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
