your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
