Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
