Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
