and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
