Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
