True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
