She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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