no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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