No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
