very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
