so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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