i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
