nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
