she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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