called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
