my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
