I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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