why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
