Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I know her cup size but not her name....
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