I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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