You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
