Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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