as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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