I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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