im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
