I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
