my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
