my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
not ubering you a puppy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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