how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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