If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
