I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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