I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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