ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
