God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
