did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
