well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
