Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
