yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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