I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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