He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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