U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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