hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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