Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
