I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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