I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
