My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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