The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
