$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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