how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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