for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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