Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize