really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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