Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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