pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
