I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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