you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
