She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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