just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
