i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
