in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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